This image is so powerful. A boy is helplessly restrained and appears lightly sedated. A Mistress in medical garb readies to perform the next injection. The budding breasts on a feminized male body allude to the continuing journey- one perhaps of no return.
The image is erotic as well as terrifying. Erotic, as it excites me to no end. Given the choice of viewing a Playboy or this image for masturbation, I would choose this image. It is frightening because the path shown leads to permanent and inescapable changes. It reveals the existing conflict in so many of us - craving feminization but afraid of how deep we are willing to go.
In a way, I need saving from myself and my indecisiveness. Submitting to the Mistress and her will acknowledges she is vastly superior and knows what is best for me. Her domination gets past my weakness and exerts her will to model the clay that is myself to her will and desires. She removes my internal conflict that acts as a roadblock.
There are additional symbolic needs addressed as well. The Mistress represents love, acceptance, and union. Whether it is more of a partnership or delineated more as Mistress and slave, the bond of a relationship is paramount. One of my greatest fears of feminization is isolation. If I embrace feminization on my own, will it lead to being shunned and an outcast? Societal acceptance, at least to some degree, is a powerful motivator.
Likewise, bondage is also so often more of a permissive release from our internal conflicts than actual restraint. I insert myself into the image. I imagine I am the one restrained and helpless on the table. Though I may struggle and test against the restraints, I yearn to be injected and have feminity coursing through my body. The cuffs and bondage signal that I cannot resist, so I accept.
Hormones are altering, and that can be good. The single strongest impedance from fully embracing this femininity is the image staring back in me in the mirror. There is a constant juxtaposition of the feminine form in my mind and the results I see looking back. From watching others journeying to a full-transition, the impact and softening that occurs even in the first few months is striking. While a dangerous proposition - to microdose - not to transition but to soften and become more fluid, the desire grows increasingly.
It is here as well where feminization and submission blend. I acknowledge that my fears and self-doubt block me from experiencing what I deeply desire. But as I submit, taking Estrogen in and having it alter me not only physically but psychologically and emotionally as well, where does it stop?
Perhaps I am fooling myself, thinking I can dip just a toe in these waters. But will it be addicting, looking in the mirror and seeing a more feminine face looking back? Something more congruent with the mental image and desire. And over time, maybe she wants more as well. What in her mind started as just a deeper immersion of role-playing can take on more extreme forms. She may have started enjoying having her own living Barbie doll, but what if she then wants more and more feminine - more Estrogen, breast implants, the temporarily fluid then becomes more and more permanent.
Blackmail can be such a charged word. But, when one has opened themself up and become so intimate and vulnerable, there is a point where consensuality fades and consequences, real or imagined, come from stepping back. But when is all of this rational? At its core, it's about embracing desires and experiencing what is possible (or passable :D )
What excites me also frightens me. As the years have passed, I realize how strong these desires come. I understand now that the best path forward is where I have an assertive woman in my life who not only supports my feminization but fully embraces it. I need to get out of my way and be guided and molded as her living doll. But just as my body blurs and alters, so too will these desires, which I am sure will only grow as the image looking back more closely matches my fantasy.
Was it planned from the start, her little secret, the goal she had from the beginning? Was it just my fallacy and illusion that this could remain only a part of my life? We both know with each application of lipstick, I am further enslaved. This burning passion is locked inside of me, waiting for release - the insatiable desire for feminization and recreation to her whim and forever transformed.
Feel free to drop a line to me and we can see where it goes